Patient 16

Patient 16

Date: Thu, 4 Dec 1997


I have been following your self-help anal fissure page for some time now, and thought it was time to add my experiences to those you have posted thus far. I have been annoyed by hemerrhoids for probably 15 to 20 years now. Up to about 8 months ago, a good soaking in a tub of hot water has relieved the pain, and I've been able to go about my normal routine. However, 8 months ago my life changed when the hot soakings didn't do it anymore. I had thought that the hemerrhoids were causing the pain I felt upon having a bowel movement, but soon discovered that I most probably had an anal fissure (this, after reading your various patient's accounts posted on the self-help page).

I have never been one to seek out medical advice, guess I've been basically healthy my whole life. I'm the type who, if I have a toothache, will wait until I can't sleep at night to schedule an appointment with the dentist. Well, 8 months ago I was in Mexico on vacation when my anal fissure (I call it The Dragon) began to really kick my butt!!! I was inserting 5 Preparation H suppositories at a time to control the pain. I likened it to 5 "bullets" to slay The Dragon. Needless to say I didn't go anywhere unless I was packing enough "bullets" to keep The Dragon at bay for the day. The pain I felt after a bowel movement was like someone had inserted a lit sparkler up my rectum. I was able to sit on only one cheek at a time, and the cab rides in Mexico were pure hell. When I returned to the states I caved in and called my General Practitioner for the appointment. Being less versed in the buttal area than other Specialists, he referred me to an Internal Medical Specialist, Dr. Joseph Majors, who had an office in my town.

Dr. Majors had an opening right away, so there I was on my way to see what could be done about The Dragon. I can't tell you the amount of apprehension that I felt on the way to my first appointment. The nurse gave me a gown that was probably designed for someone about half my size, told me to take off all my clothes, and said the doctor would be right in. It seemed like a long time sitting there and waiting for him to arrive. Well, the next thing I knew I was laying on my side with the doctor prodding my tender backside area. Then the scope came out so he could see what the situation was in the inner recesses of my rectum. The diagnosis- a prolapsed hemherroid, with a giant anal fissure. He told me at that time that surgery was probably the best way to go. I had never had surgery before so I asked him the second best way to go, thinking that this really didn't hurt now as bad as it did when I first started searching for help...back to the "tootheache" scenario. He told me that we could try an ointment that he developed "the magic brown cream", that had been effective with at least some of his patients, and I was elated that this was to be so easy. I left his office with my cream and was ready to conquer The Dragon on my own.

Morning and night applications of the cream controlled the pain, but I still had bleeding with every bowel movement. I printed out the Bob the Anal Fissure recount, and took it with me on one of my visits..he got a big laugh out of that, Joe. Let me add here that a prolapsed hemerhoid is one that emerges during a bowel movement and is trapped outside your rectum when the spinchter muscle closes. This causes real pain if left that way, so for the last two years whenever I've had a bowel movement I've had to digitally push the protruding roid back on the inside. This has been quite messy, and a real pain in the ass (no pun intended). I used my cream religiously every day, which was messy, too, leaving "skid" marks in all of my undershorts. After 5 months of my cream therapy I was ready for something else..I still had the pain and bleeding and prolapsing innards to my outtards.

I read about the Nitro treatment and told him maybe we should try that. He took the info and said he'd check on it and let me know..After doing his research he said there wasn't enough evidence that the Nitro would work, and told me that I probably wouldn't want to trade my butt pain for the headache pain associated with the Nitro therapy. I think at this point The Dragon had developed a resistance to the magic brown cream, the "bullets" no longer silenced him, and I was feeling like I do when the toothaches are out of control, so I scheduled surgery. The doctor told me we would do a Hemerrhoidectomy, a Lateral Spinchterectomy,a Fissurectomy, and, by the way, would I like to have my umbillical hernia repaired at the same time..... I decided why not do everything at once and get it over with.

The day of surgery I checked in at 5:00AM and waited. I remember very little of what happened from the onset of my surgery until I woke up in recovery that afternoon. I was on morphine after surgery which kept me from feeling the pain. I must regress here to the admittance procedure.....a nice little old lady did my pre-admittance and from what I saw her typing was quite hindered. When she gave me the consent forms to sign, I noticed that she had listed me as a female. I jokingly said that I hoped they understood that I was a male, and wouldn't take anything else off down there, and I definitely didn't want to wake up in a ward of women who'd had various "female" operations...this must have stuck with me through the morphine induced fog that I woke up in after surgery. After surgery I asked for a urinal to use at my bedside, stood up to use it, and couldn't find my penis!!! I located both testicles where I had left them prior to my surgery, but my Johnson was nowhere to be found. He had pulled himself up, up, up into my body cavity and was hiding from what he had witnessed on the operating table. I thought I had been mistakenly neutered in surgery. It was only after I urinated all over myself that he decided to poke his head out to take a peek...boy, oh boy, was I relieved to see him again.

That afternoon my fever shot up, and I was diagnosed with a collapsed lung, from not breathing deep enough when I came out of surgery, so I had to spend the night in the hospital working on a breathing apparatus to reinflate my lung. The morphine came every four hours, and life was good. I knew that every four hours my nurse would come in and shoot me in alternating cheeks and no pain. This went on until 6:00AM the next morning, when it was time for my next shot, and I was totally disappointed to hear that the morphine had been replaced with a percodan tablet...seemed like a long time for the percodan to take effect to control the pain. My lung had reinflated, and it was time to be discharged-11:00AM-and I was in the car on my way home. I was instructed to take two Fibercons, one Colace (stool softener), one Ducolax (laxative), and percodan for the pain.

Once home I was able to stand in front of the mirror and get a glimpse of my All-Nue Butt. I couldn't believe how black and blue that area was. I felt that I had spent the weekend in prison with "Bubba" as a cellmate. The next hurdle it seemed was my first bowel movement to check the operational status of all the various parts down there. Nothing in that area happened that day. The next morning I awoke to find that the Ducolax had done it's job, and my bowels were churning and growling. I can't tell you how much fear I had prior to my first BM. I sat down on one cheek, and liqui-shit poured forth. I have to say that it didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would. I spent the next five days on my medication, and taking 4 to 5 sitz baths a day. The following Monday I went into work for half days. My first visit back to the doctor I had no idea what was in store for me. He put on the rubber gloves and proceeded to insert his finger into the throbbing area that once housed The Dragon...the pain was intense, but over very quickly. I asked him if that procedure was really necessary so soon after surgery, and he informed me that he had to check for abcesses and make sure that things hadn't gotten sewed up too tight down there. Everything was normal.

Two or three days later, on my way to being totally recovered, I experienced the dreaded Spinchter Spasms...after having a BM I would have "lay you on your back" pain that would last for 5 to 6 hours. No amount of soaking in the tub would relieve it, so I had to wake up at 3:00AM, have my BM, and then lay down, eat a couple of percodans, and wait for five hours before I could get on with my day. I was feeling really good except for this. My doctor prescribed Valium, and in a couple of days the Spasms were gone. Next I noticed a burning, itching, pain from the point where they had inserted my IV for the surgery, up my arm almost to the armpit. I'm allergic to some types of antibiotics so I thought it was a reaction to the post-surgery medications administered to control the fever and infections. I went in to the Dr's office, he took a look at it, and diagnosed phlebitis...some strep or staph germs had gotten into my vein from the IV. Went on Keflex for 10 days and that was under control.

It's been 6 weeks since my surgery, and I am in really fine shape. I am very pleased with my All-Nue Butt, no Dragon, no prolasping hemerhhoid, and having a BM is not the big production that it once All-Nue Belly Button after the umbillical hernia was repaired is looking good too. I join the ranks of the "Boy, I'm glad I did" club. If there any questions about the post-surgery "quirks" that anyone is experiencing, I would be happy to give you my two cents worth of information.

From: Deremiah <>
Date: Fri, 5 Dec 1997

You're more than welcome to use my e-mail address (email to in your column for questions...

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